Home. (Update from 3 weeks ago)

It's time for a 'little' update. (Funny how I always want to keep up with this Blog and have the best of intentions to do so, and then I never do...) Anyway, a lot has happened since my last post, and I wanted to share some of what God is doing in my life throughout all the changes. As most of you know, Chad and I have had the opportunity of a lifetime for him to get his Masters of Divinity at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY. Yesterday marked four weeks since our little family arrived in Louisville, all ready for this new place, season, and adventure...it has been full of some really high "highs," and some really low "lows," and it seems like we have been jumping from highs to lows and back again on a daily basis! But, God has been SO near, and He has been SO faithful. In documenting some of our experiences, it is my desire to bring Him glory and to encourage you all with these evidences of His grace.


A few weeks ago, I wrote an entire blog about how much I missed "home" and how weird it was to be in this new place. I never was able to get it to post correctly, but I have the time to try again, so, here are my thoughts from three weeks ago:

"Home. The word has taken on new meaning for me in recnt days. Today marks 1 week that I have woken up in a new city. One week ago, movers were unloading all of our things into our new apartment. There were boxes and things EVERYWHERE (despite my very organized, pinterest-inspired labeling). The newness was exciting then. I couldn't wait to unpack, to rearrance, to settle into our new place. Now all the boxes are unpacked, the walls are decorated, the fridge and pantry are stocked...but, it hit me yesterday, it doesn't feel like home yet. Our apartment is nice and big, (and we don't have to fix the things that break!), but it isn't our little house in Yukon that was just right for our family of 3. The trees arching overhead make the winding roads absoutely beautiful, but they are unfamiliar. Our new church is great: good music, solid theology, friendly people...but I miss our Bridgeway family. I miss walking in and greeting familiar faces, knowing others' stories and them knowing mine.

I keep striking up conversations at the Kroger (which I LOVE, by the way, and have been to 3 times this week). I keep telling the check-out people that I'm new here. They just kind of nod, as if to say, 'Okay. Thanks for the info.' What am I needing to hear from them? A 'welcome to Louisville!'? A reminder that we are all new at some point in our lives? Tips for things to see and do? Reassurance that soon it will feel like home?

It doesn't feel like home yet. At home, I knew, even though there were days I didn't leave the house, everybody knew I was THERE. That's the weirdest feeling of all...it feels like the world is going on around me, and no one knows I exist. I know that soon, I will make friends. Soon, I will recognize faces. Soon I will hear others' stories and get to share mine with them. Soon I will learn the roads and where the Hobby Lobby and the Post Office are...

As I processed through all this with the Lord this morning, He reminded me in His perfect, peaeful voice, "I AM Home for you. No matter where you go, I AM your Home."

Psalm 139:7-12 says, "Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your Presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, 'Surely darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,' even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you."

"Father, I KNOW that you have brought us to this place in your perfect wisdom. You have provided for us in MIRACULOUS ways. You are fulfilling a dream you placed in our hearts long ago. There is SO much joy and excitement in this season, as we follow your call to study and eventually church plant. I KNOW that this move is your will for us. And I know that you are here with us through it all. You are our HOME."

answered prayers...

Ya'll, I'm so full of joy tonight! I promise, it's joy, not the caffine from the Dr. Pepper I drank earlier. Or the fact that I'm watching "Glee Live in Concert" (I know you're giggling now, but don't judge me...I'm a total Gleek!) Okay, maybe those things are having a bit of an impact on my mood tonight. :) Nonetheless, the reason I believe that I am so pumped tonight is because of what God has done for me today!

Chad had an outpatient surgery this afternoon, and I was anxious for several reasons. 1.) Surgery is just a frightening thing. Even though Chad's was very minor and common, I was still a bit nervous. 2.) I had to leave Anna Grace for the day. It may sound silly, because I've left her for a few hours, several times before.  I knew in my head that she would be absolutely fine, but it's just hard being away from her for so long! 3.) Perhaps most of all, I was concerned about Chad's recovery (and, namely, my role in taking care of him). You see, I tend to not be a very patient or compassionate caretaker. I know that God desires for me to be sympathetic and understanding as I serve...So, in preparation for Chad's surgery, I've been praying overtime...especially for grace to love him well during his recovery. (I've also been cleaning and organizing the house like crazy. Seriously, it's like I'm nesting all over again! Chad has pointed out to me recently that I clean whenever I'm mad, bored, or...anxious.) Anyway, I digress. This post is about God's faithfulness, not my cleaning obsession. :)

You guys, God has been SO faithful today! He protected Chad and gave the surgeon wisdom, He brought peace to our sweet daughter and me while we were apart today, and He gave me such grace to take care of Chad since the surgery. God has taken my human nature and changed it to look a little more like His nature. I am nowhere close to who I want to be, but it was refreshing to see that God is capable (and willing!) to take my junk and transform it! Woo hoo! He's not through with me yet...(and, He's not through with YOU, either.)

"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6

...and His courts with praise

I was worshipping this morning as I listened to my all-time favorite group, Watermark. The song "You Are" began playing and I can't describe the feelings that washed over me. There was an instant peace and a renewed love for the Lord that I have been missing for such a long time.

Oh, I've loved the Lord in my heart since the moment He saved me, called me His own, and gave me His Holy Spirit. But, so often, my feelings for Him and my nearness to Him fade until I feel so cold and far. In those moments, I always look back and wonder, "What happened? How did I get here in my relationship with the Creator of the Universe...the Lover of my Soul?" And then I always remember, it is through small steps that we move, whether toward God or away from Him. I've gotten caught up in daily life as a wife and new mommy. My Bible has gotten buried under piles of cloth diapers and dishes. Not literally, thank goodness, but in my heart and my life, it feels as if the Important has taken a back-seat to the urgent. I've become a Martha...AGAIN. Sigh.

It is quiet moments like this morning, when I feel a renewed love for God, that I am reminded how I can have this feeling daily. I posted in Novemeber about entering God's gates with thanksgiving. I have been trying to be more thankful for the wonderful things God has done in my life, and I truly believe that my relationship with Him has grown closer since I have been more intentional in this. But, now I'm ready to move a step closer to His Throne. I'm ready to enter His courts.

Check out Psalm 100:4 again. "We enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His Name."

I've thought for years that thanksgiving and praise were essentially the same things. However, at the women's conference I wrote about in November, we learned that thanksgiving means thanking God for the things He has done, and praise means thanking God for WHO HE IS. There is a pretty significant difference between the two, and we should be doing both on a daily basis.

God has done great things because He IS great. We can't stop at just thanking God for what He has done if we want to experience true intimacy with Him. We must praise His character and divine attributes. That is what I did this morning, and, I believe, that is why I felt such a nearness to Him. I encourage you to do this in your own life. Just start listing all the wonderful things that God is to you. Research it in His Word. Praise Him for Who He Is. It will change your life and your relationship to God, in such a good, GOOD way.

"You Are" by Watermark

Sunlight, Moonlight, Laughter, Wind and Rain
Singer, Creator, Artist, The Old and the New

You are, You are, You are these things
Father, You are my Everything
You are, You are, You are to me,
Jesus, You are my Everything

Keeper, Sustainer, Shelter, Life and Love
Righteous, Mysterious, Spontaneous, Madly in love with me

You are, You are, You are these things
Father, You are my Everything
You are, You are, You are to me,
Jesus, You are my Everything

You hovered over all that was formed
and you made beauty out of nothing.
You made it all and saw it was good
You made it wonderful...because You're wonderful

Stillness, Movement, Helper, Strength and Shield
Worthy, Endless, Everywhere, All the Air...All the Air I Breathe

You are, You are, You are these things

Father, You are my Everything
You are, You are, You are to me,
Jesus, You are my Everything

Enter His Gates with Thanksgiving

Thanks to my sweet Aunt Deanna for inspiring me to get back on my blog this morning. I was reading her heartfelt post (which I do often), and this morning it finally struck me that I started a blog a long time ago and that I should start that up again. Haha! It's only been 2 years! In looking back at my last post, (from March of 2009), it occurred to me that just about everything in my life has changed between then and now. (Maybe that's why I haven't posted much...I've been BUSY!) Anyway, as we approach this Thanksgiving season, I wanted to share something with you all.

A few weeks ago, I went to a women's conference at my church. The conference was called "One Night with the King" and, as you may have guessed, the story of Esther was the theme. During the conference, the first speaker was talking about how, like Esther, we have been called to the Palace to have intimacy with OUR King, Jesus. She was talking about how we get there...how do we find that special place of nearness with Him? Then she said something that will forever change the way I approach God.

Psalm 100:4 says to "Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name."

Okay, I have had this verse memorized since I was a child. (I even could sing it to you in a song!) But, never has it impacted me the way it has been lately.

Consider a palace, and King Jesus is in the throne room at the center of the palace. How do we get into that throne room, where we can lay our hearts at His precious feet. How do we approach this Holy God of ours in a way that both honors Him as the Perfect Being that He is, and yet grants us intimate access to speak to, and hear from Him. We start from the outside and work our way in. We enter His gates with Thanksgiving.

This time of year, Thanksgiving comes naturally to me. Maybe it's the romance of the months of November and December. Maybe it's because others are talking so much about what they are thankful for. For whatever reason, I have no trouble giving thanks on the Wednesday before Thankgiving. (And, it's a perfectly wonderful time to do so.) However, I don't want to ONLY give thanks at this time of year. And, I don't want to give thanks only when others around me inspire me to do so. I want the CONTINUAL GOODNESS of the Lord to be what inspires me to offer Him thanks...on a day-by-day, moment-by-moment basis. I want to begin each day thanking Him for His mercies. They are new every morning...(Lamentations 3:22-26) Shouldn't my thanks be new every morning as well??

So, I'll begin today with a new habit. Starting my day in the right spot...on the outside of the palace, ready to come in and lay my heart before Him. I'll begin, not by offering Him all my cursory "God bless us, everyone" type prayers, but by truly having a thankful heart for what He has already done. Then I will move into His courts by praising His Character (more on that in another post). After that is when I should lay my requests before Him. I know that I will probably fail more times than I will succeed at this model of intimacy in my prayer life. But, I know that with the Holy Spirit's gentle reminder, I can certainly try.

So, today, I am thankful for the warm house I woke up in. I'm thankful for the precious child whose smile I have already witnessed (at 5 AM!). I'm thankful for my sweet, hardworking husband who is already up and ready to work hard and provide for our family. I'm thankful for my health, as I consider a friend who is in the hospital this morning. (Praying for you, my precious Wendy.) I'm thankful for all the things that I have packed up, and the family we are going to be with this weekend.

I am thankful for all these things, and so much more, Lord...please help me remember to have gratitude each day for all that You have given. You are good, and every good and perfect gift comes from You.

Happy Thanksgiving, today and everyday.

Good Friday?

I've always been confused by the name "Good Friday" being given to the day we remember Jesus' crucifixion. It seems so strange to call the worst day in the history of humankind "good."

I received a fresh reminder at Church last night. What a profound time I had with the Lord remembering His sacrifice for me. Won't you remember with me today, as we approach Easter?

God humbled and displaced Himself when He left His heavenly throne (where He was praised non-stop...as He is worthy of). He willingly put on flesh and experienced life's temptations, frustrations, sorrows, limitations, disappointments. In the midst of his human existence, He remained connected to the Father. He did everything God told Him to do and nothing which would displease God. He did not sin in thought, action, or word. He relied on God to be His strength and His guide; through Jesus, God did amazing signs and wonders.

And yet, read this prophecy about the King of Kings, and think about how it was fullfilled in His death:

Isaiah 53
1 Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4 Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
7 He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.
9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.

WOW. I don't have words to describe the sorrow that brings my spirit. "Good" Friday? If Isaiah's prophecy and the story of Jesus ended there, "Good Friday" would make no sense. Yet, it does make sense, because our God is bigger than death and the grave! Our God is bigger than sin and pain.

Read the rest of Isaiah 53:

10 Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
11 After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied ;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

Praise Jesus for Easter Sunday. It is Jesus' resurrection which makes the day of His death "good." It is what He accomplished on that cross that makes it beautiful.

Check out this song that we sang with the Church last night and ponder the depth of the words and of God's great love for us.

Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson perpetual tide
Kneel down on the shore Be thirsty no more
Go under and be purified

At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night

Follow Christ to the holy mountain
Sinner sorry and wrecked by the fall
Cleanse your heart and your soul I
n the fountain that flowed
For you and for me and for all

At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night

On the hillside, you will be delivered A
t the foot of the cross justified
And your spirit restored
By the river that poured
From our blessed Savior's side

March 2009 update

...Some recent pictures of Chad and me...
It has been quite awhile since I have updated this, and I have absolutely no excuse...I have a new job and a lot more free time! I will not promise anything, but would like to be more faithful in updating, because it is such a cool way to keep in touch.

So, a few weeks ago, I began caring for little Chloe, a precious one-and-a-half year-old. She has some neurological damage which has affected her ability to move normally. She has therapy every day, stretching and therapies at home, and a big battle to overcome at such a young age. But, I am praying for her full healing and believe she will walk, run, and maybe even DANCE someday. Chloe and I sing all the time, and her vocabulary is extensive for her age. It is hilarious when she repeats things that I say, especially big words like "choking hazard"...haha! She talks about "Chat" all the time and we always remember him in our songs..."We love you Chad, oh yes we do. We love you Chad, and we'll be true..." Hopefully he will get to meet her on Tuesday after her therapy.

My days spent with Chloe are confirming my belief that God has called me to be a wife and mommy in the future. It brings me so much joy to care for her and her family's house...I feel like it is preparation and practice for what I want to do someday. It is a blessing that Chad agrees that raising children is an important calling and that he wants me to be able to stay home to do so when that time comes.

Speaking of Chad, as days go by, I often find myself sitting back and thinking about how good and faithful God is, and how grateful I am that He brought Chad and me together. As I think back on years and years of praying for my future husband, it amazes me to see how Chad is the answer to all my prayer requests, and even things I didn't think to pray for. Not that he is perfect or that our relationship fulfills my every desire or need. (Only God can do that.) In fact, already, Chad and I have experienced our fair share of difficulties, both in our relationship and as individuals. But God is good, and I believe that slowly, surely, He will change us to look more like Jesus. I thank God that He has designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy. I pray that our marriage will make us both holy and happy. In the end, I kinda think it will. ;)

I just finished reading the book Boundaries by Dr's Cloud and Townsend and have learned some life-changing principles that I am trying to put into practice. After almost 23 years of being a compliant person, it is hard to take responsibility for my life, feelings, decisions, etc, and learn how to set boundaries, especially with controllers! But, as I am doing so, I already am experiencing feelings of freedom and empowerment. Hallelujah! Here's to a new challenge!

In my relationship with God, I'm getting back into Scripture memory. I have neglected this over the past couple years, but I know that having the Truth at the front of my mind is life-changing. Believing and speaking the Truth changes things. I'm learning to put my fears in God's hands and trust Him even more with my life. I want to be more faithful to pray as a first response to difficulties, disappointments...anything I face.

Well, I could go on and on, but I won't. I'll finish by saying that I am thankful to the Lord for this season in my life, all the things He is teaching me, and His nearness. I'm thankful for the people He has blessed me with, and the ways He is using me. Soli Deo Gloria! (Glory to God alone!)

For better or for worse...in sickness and in health...

Well, life is surprising sometimes...life throws you curves that you least expect. Take, for instance, my past year. This past year has been rough. Sometimes it is hard to believe that God is on His throne and in control no matter what. But, He is. He really, really is.
In John 14:18 Jesus promised “I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.” He also promised in Romans 8:28 “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
No matter what we face, He is with us and is working things out for His glory and for our good. We have to believe the truth of the Word no matter what, and “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1) Sometimes, though, God does things in our lives that allow us to see His promises fulfilled in action. He did that for me this year in the midst of my struggles.
One huge way He did that was by giving me my sweet Chad. I have prayed for years and years for a man to love and do life with. I have waited for him for so long but only God knew the absolute perfect timing to bring him into my life. God has provided such support, comfort, and encouragement to me through Chad. Chad is such a Godly, strong, tender, and wise man. He is so full of life and love. He has brought such GOOD things into my life!
Yesterday marked one year since we met. Looking forward to the anniversary, we planned to have a really special date. I even got a new dress! And then, overnight Saturday, I got sick. I was sick pretty much all day yesterday. Instead of going out and celebrating big, I stayed home in my pajamas and Chad came over to my apartment (bringing Sprite, crackers, flowers, and Imodium)! We talked a lot about the past year, I slept a lot, and Chad did a lot of homework and cleaned the apartment. It was a great anniversary.
Chad and I are so blessed that God has given us the type of love that is not led by emotion. Sure, we have emotion for each other...lots of it. But, for love to last, there has to be more than just emotion in the equation. There has to be commitment and companionship and the ability to sacrifice your own wants and needs for the other person’s benefit.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 tells us that “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
It is IMPOSSIBLE to have that kind of love without the power of God working inside. 1 John 4:19 says that “We love because He first loved us.” Truly, God IS love and He is the one who teaches us how to love by the way that He loves us...perfectly.
Lord, teach me to love more like you do: “for better or for worse.”