NOT Superwoman

Well, I've done it again. In my eagerness to embrace this new season, and everything God has for me in it, I've bitten off more than I think I'm going to be able to "chew." I don't know what it is (immaturity, maybe?) that causes me to do this. I'll hear about something that sounds like fun, or something that would make me a better wife/mom/friend, or something that would lead me closer to God, and I jump right into it without consideration of the time commitment. Just recently, I've begun a book about parenting, started a Beth Moore Bible study with my mom (we watch the videos over Skype!), began the Seminary Wives Institute at Southern (once a week class, homework, and occasional conferences), started attending a playgroup once a week, and began a knitting project for a Christmas present! As I was typing all that, I received an email about serving with the kids at Church this Sunday...something I signed up to do once a month. I am trying to be intentional about making new friends here and keeping in touch with family and friends that are far away. I'm also trying to renew my commitment to daily intercession and Scripture memory, along with my Bible reading and alone time with the Lord. And then there's being a wife, keeping up with the house/groceries/cooking/finances, and, oh, raising a 13 month old. WHEW! I had planned to begin a Biblical Doctrines class with my Church tomorrow, but I feel very strongly that God is leading me not to. (Wonder why?!?) When I type all that out, it is very clear. It's all GREAT stuff, but it's too much.

I am learning an important lesson today. (Really, it's a lesson that I've learned a hundred times over, and have to re-learn every once in awhile.) I am learning that I am not Superwoman. Superwoman is a MADE-UP character, and if I live to be like her, I am setting myself up for failure. I think this idea that women can "have it all," "be it all," and "do it all" is a straight-up LIE. If you think about it, the idea is ridiculous! OF COURSE no woman can have it all, do it all, and be it all. We can't be involved in EVERY good thing that comes our way. We can't have deep friendships with EVERYONE we meet. We can't have a perfect marriage, AND a successful career, AND perfect children, AND the perfect body, AND the perfect home (decorated just like all those hundreds of houses we've pinned on Pinterest), AND the perfect meals to put on the table every night. We can't be involved in EVERY Bible study that comes our way, serve in EVERY ministry that has a need, or read EVERY book that we've heard is good.

We are human. Our time, energy, and resources are limited. The number of days in our lives are limited, and the hours in those days are limited too. We all know that is true. But, most of us don't live like it is true. Sure, we say, "Cherish every moment with your children because they grow up so fast!" (They do.) We say, "Live each moment like it is your last." (It could be.) But, do we apply the same thinking in our day-to-day lives as we make commitments and set up our schedules? Do we say "no" to the things that are good so that we can make room in our hearts and lives for the GREAT? Do we truly prioritize our God, our spouses, and our children?? I have been convicted by this thought lately.

I have also been convicted lately about my motivation when I make a commitment or choose to do certain things with my time. Am I doing things out of guilt, or because I want to please people, or because I think that doing them will make God happier with me? All of these motivations are sinful and come from a heart that isn't centered on the Gospel.

The Gospel teaches that NOTHING we can do can earn us any favor or merit with God. We are all born spiritually dead and separated from God. Jesus lived the perfect life that none of us could ever attain through all our striving. Then, He did the unthinkable. He traded the glory He was rightfully due to die a sinner's death in our place. He took on the full wrath of God-the punishment for all our rebellion and sin- and died in our place. Then, in glorious victory, He rose again, conquering the grave and bringing us once again into communion with the Father. His death and resurrection paid our debt and brought us into right-standing before God. He bought for us FREEDOM. We are now freed from our sin, and the wrath of God, AND from all our vain attempts to earn our way back into right standing with Him.

What does all this have to do with my priorities and commitments? Everything. When I am living a Gospel-centered, grace filled life, I am free to choose the One thing that is best. Like Martha in Luke 10:38-42, I tend to run around trying to do everything. But, EVERYTHING is not important, and it's not helpful even to strive for "as much as possible." The ONE thing that is most important is sitting and LISTENING at the feet of Jesus. I am to "Be still and know that [He] is God." Psalm 46:10

When I do that...when I truly LISTEN to Him, He helps me know what to do with everything else. He leads me by His Holy Spirit and guides me in His will for me. He gives me the strength to do the things He has for me, and He gives me the strength to say "no" to the things that aren't best for me. He helps me have maturity, wisdom, and patience. He is showing me that, although He desires for me to make friends, I cannot possibly become best friends with everyone. I have to be intentional and really pray about who I am going to pursue close friendships with. He is also showing me that the process of sanctification sometimes goes slowly. I take two steps forward and one step back. Bible studies, quiet times, scripture memory, prayer, reading books...all of that is GREAT stuff, and very helpful in the process of sanctification, BUT, more is not necessarily better. 15 Bible studies isn't a guarantee that I'll be any holier than if I just did one. Starting five books at once (and not being able to finish any of them) isn't nearly as valuable as reading just one book all the way through. Two-hour quiet times do not make God love me more and 30 minute quiet times do not make Him love me any less. He has limitless grace for me, and I pray that He will help me have patience and grace with myself.

Even as I'm learning how to pray about how I am spending my time each day, I am learning that I need to be asking Chad about it as well. It is such a gift to me that God speaks to my husband, and I believe that being under Chad's headship and listening to his advice is a way that God protects me. (I am so thankful for this Godly man of mine!!) Chad had some concerns about me being over-committed yesterday...I should have listened to him and prayed about it before I told the lady who was organizing this Doctrines study that I would come. I had to email back today and cancel...ugh, doing that is no fun! But, it's okay. God's grace is big enough for that mistake and all the others I make on a daily basis.

So, to summarize all this, I'm not Superwoman. I'm a work-in-progress, and God sure has His hands full with me! But, He is faithful. "The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, o Lord, endures forever-do not abandon the works of Your hands!"